Life is so fucked up right now. I'm being faced with the possiblity of not waking up with my family on christmas. It kills. I miss my mom. I miss my dad. I miss my room, and Dexter and Jackson. And my friends. I miss having my own space. Don't get me wrong, Mike is more than amazing and I love him very much, but I have things, and no where to put them. I have a family, who thinks that I think nothing of them, when in all actuality, they're everything. I don't know. Everything is so uncertain and I'm scared.

I'm scared. I'm scared of never amounting to anything. I'm afraid that my parents will never know how much they mean to me, how much I love them, and how much I miss them, right now. I'm afraid that I will let go of some of the most important memories and people in my life, due to stupid things, minor fights, and ignorant decisions. I hate crying. so fucking much.

Last night was fun. I got off work, drove to my parents, got some more of my stuff, including my computer, and then I went over to the laundy mat to clean all the clothes I could grab earlier. I then drove to Emily's, visited. Daddura and Olives called me and asked me to meet up, naturally, I did. We went and picked Silliman up, and drove around a bit. Stalked some people. Made racist comments towards the bitch at friendly's because she was a total cunt. Went to burgerking because they were hungry, they all got food, I got a pie. =]. Drove Nicole home. Almost died. Dropped Chris off. I got my car. Said goodbye. Went to visit BrianFuck because he's the coolest in the universe. Btw they all gave me money and I love them forever for it. Then I returned to massapequa to Mike's house, becuase his parents have been so nice as to let me stay here for a while until I figure something long-term out. I love Mike. He's cool.=] Kevin helped me get my things inot the house, and he set my computer up on mikes desk facing the other way. LAN party x core apparently. I'm going back to bed now bc the boys all left and I'm still sleepy. K bye.

=]

Happy birthday to me. motherfucks.

Michael.

I don't even know where to start. When I met you, I didn't know what to expect. I was in such a weird place in life. I was finally done with high school and ready to attempt growing up and doing things on my own. And all of a sudden, there's this boy. Who completly changes everything. I don't know how you did it, but I'm glad you did. You've become more than I ever imagined to me. I never knew we'd become so close. Thank you for being so patient with me while I decided what was best for me. I'm glad I decided to take a chance. I want to thank you for being so supportive of me, even when no one else was. I honestly don't know what I'd do without you. You see me at my worst and manage to wipe my tears and make me smile before the day is over. How do you explain when someone has your heart?
I'm okay papa. I promise. I'm okay. I just need to sort my shit out, and I know it isn't going to be an easy task. I love you. Remember that okay? Even when I'm being the biggest bitch on the face of the earth, Remember that you are my boy and I'd do ALMOST anything for you ;]

Thank you for being you.
You're wonderful.

Life confuses the fuck out of me. My best friend is moving, that's another end, to another chapter in my life. I love you Mike =o/

Taylor x Terror: i love mike..
Taylor x Terror: its kind of scary
get2thaCHOPPAH: I MISS MIKE
get2thaCHOPPAH: DUDE
get2thaCHOPPAH: LETS WATCH HIM ON GOOGLE EARTH
Taylor x Terror: lmfao.
get2thaCHOPPAH: SO SERIOUS

Taylor x Terror: actually we both fell asleep
Taylor x Terror: then i woke up
Taylor x Terror: we fucked
Taylor x Terror: and i came home
Taylor x Terror: =]
EGiNeRoS64: sounds like taylor
Taylor x Terror: yup, just a little bit.
EGiNeRoS64: we got into a fight
EGiNeRoS64: then we fucked
Taylor x Terror: yup. exactly.
EGiNeRoS64: now we are cool again

Eric Gineros knows me all too well.

<3333


Goodnight fuckers.

I know I said not even hurricanes could keep me from you, but I've changed my mind. NOT even WOLVERINE could keep me from you. And I'm going to prove it. I LOVE YOU MICHAEL DEAN BERG.

3 months was tonight. lots of sex. lots of sweat, as few arguments and some hardcore falling in love. FUCK YOU. i love you =]

I DONT FUCKING KNOW.

Date:	2006-10-16 03:07
Subject:	Him
Security:	Public
Mood:	okay
Music:	"The glory of love"-New Found Glory

I love him. With everything I've got. But I get so overwhelmed and confused and take shit out oh him that I really fucking shouldn't, and I do it a lot. I fuckin' hate it. He's my entire everything. As lame as that may be...

Anyway...
I'm sick. I worked from 9:45-1 today, then I dropped my car off at my house, and Mike came to pick me up, bc I needed new breaks and my check engine light was on. I was at Mike's by 2:30, and I got home at 1:30 am. I got straight into my car to go test out my breaks and whatnot. Breaks are good. My check engine light went on around 2 am. I went to go visit BrianFuck and bring him Tacos because I'm a good friend. haha. I got home by 2:40 and my dad's gunna tear into me tomorrow about it, but whatever.

I have a gay work week. And then some nifty plans after.
Monday-1-6 CVS. Plans with Darlene.
Tuesday-12-8 RiteAid. Going to see Mike Bowl
Wednesday-9-2 RiteAid. Jersey to see The Red Hot Chili Peppers and the Mars Volta
Thursday-1-6 CVS. Dusk comes callingggg show.
Friday-9-4 CVS.
Saturday-12-5 CVS. wwhs Homecoming football game

Date:	2006-10-08 09:09
Subject:	I'm a big homo.
Security:	Public
Mood:	worried
Music:	"I caught fire(in your eyes)-The Used

Michael... idk... Last night was...both... terrible, and amazing... Bleh.

I'm such a confusing person. I don't mean to be. I just have a really tough time expressing myself. Mike's a godsend. I don't know what I'd do if he wasn't so patient with me, but I do realize that there is only so much, people can take. I want to be better. Mike is amazing. I really think time will fix a lot of what's been going on. I need time to change the way I've always been. Because back then, I didn't know what I know now, I didn't have what I have now. and even the tihings I knew, and had, ended, because I'm stubborn. I don't want to be that person anymore. I just want to be with him.

I love you...

Date:	2006-10-04 23:37
Subject:	Cwazy Cwazy
Security:	Public
Mood:	accomplished
Music:	"Day dream"-Gone baby gone

Nobody told you
What to do or where to hide
No one controlled you
Something swelled up from inside
There's no surprise we're magnetized
One step at a time I find that you were my lifeline

Want to tell you just what I am thinking if you'll listen
I'll tell you once, I'll tell you twice
Just can't be without you, you're my picture perfect person
If I have to fall then I'll pay that price

Made all my mistakes
Time to finally get it right
How many handshakes does it take to end a fight
You're right inside I'll see you soon
Take advantage of the night, it's time to make my move

Want to tell you just what I am thinking if you'll listen
I'll tell you once, I'll tell you twice
Just can't be without you, you're my picture perfect person
If I have to fall then I'll pay that price

Tell me, tease me
Touch me please me
You left me, you need me
So come back, it's easy
You're never forgotten
Forever means nothing
I'll wait now, cause you're the one

Made all my mistakes
Time to finally get it right
How many handshakes does it take to end

Want to tell you just what I am thinking if you'll listen
I'll tell you once, I'll tell you twice
Just can't be without you, you're my picture perfect person
If I have to fall then I'll pay that price


Working tomorrow. 10-2. Maybe I'll hang out with Darlene and Fat afterwards. Gunna be super tight on money this month with my car and whatnot coming up.
Blah. Uhhhh... yeah... Mike's trying to get me to be friends with girls because he's a jerkoff. =] I don't like girls. They're disgusting. Cept me. I'm cool. Yup.

K bye!

Date:	2006-10-03 17:52
Subject:	=]
Security:	Public
Mood:	chipper
Music:	"The best days(of our lives)"-Gone baby gone

Wake up sun pulling eyes open
Surprise I'm feeling fine
Eight AM was never friendly
But now I think I've changed my mind
Hangovers never hurt us
We're crippled by regrets
Apologizing for the lies we never meant

We can't forget where we've been
It's not starting over -- It's starting again

This is the best day of our lives
Hollywood happy ending -- it's our time (so sing it)
This is the best day of our lives
You can keep your tomorrow
I'll take today anytime


Shake up the situation
Don't let life pass you by
Castaway graduation
Never say you never tried
We are the awkward silence
tied up insecurity
Constantly reminded of what we would never be

We can't forget where we've been
It's not starting over -- It's starting again

People made me grumpy today. But I'm over it. Anddd... Ther was a creepy girl staring at me at the mall, who turned out to be a lesbian, and I wanted to hit her in the face, so0o0o bad. Uh so, I put a downpayment on my car. That's pretty neat. And my insurance is going to cost me $2175.00 YAY. And uhhh I love Mike Berg. And I miss BrianFuck. Mucho. Andddd...uhhh, I'm gunna be busy a whole lot this month. Look out. =] there are like 6 huge things and then like 4 tiny things. haha and I turn 18 in less than 2 months. FUCKERS. <3

K I'm done!

Date:	2006-09-27 02:25
Subject:
Security:	Public
Mood:	sleepy
Music:	"planning a prison break"- the recieving end of sirens

Right now I really don't care if I'm alone or if I got you sittin' here.
Oh, no look I've done it again.
Man I should think about it before I say anything.
1, 2, 3, 4, looks like I'm alone again and...

I feel fine.
Doesn't really matter now cause I'm all right.
She knocked me on my ass again, but I don't mind.
Looks like I'm alone again and I feel fine.

Right now I don't know what to say, because you're mean and I never liked you anyway.
Don't ever call cause I don't want to be friends.
Excuse me now because the chorus is comin' up again.
1, 2, 3, 4, looks like I'm alone again and...

I feel fine.
Doesn't really matter now cause I'm all right.
She knocked me on my ass again, but I don't mind.
Looks like I'm alone again and I feel fine.

They come and go and I don't feel a thing.
It's not causeI'm a jerk and I don't care.
And I don't know what's the matter with me.
I only know the right girl still out there.

I feel fine.
Doesn't really matter now cause I'm all right.
She knocked me on my ass again, but I don't mind.
Looks like I'm alone again and I feel fine.
I feel fine.
Doesn't really matter now cause I'm all right.
She knocked me on my ass again, but I don't mind.
Looks like I'm alone again and I feel fine.

I love you Mike Berg. so so much.

He's so cute =]

I'm not asking for anything, just to be with you, and just be. I am constantly wondering, if you aren't sleeping at night. I'm not sleeping at night cause I'm always thinking, I'm always thinking of that smile in your eyes, and I'm always hoping, always hoping if i could have this night, would you stand, by my side, and promise to hold on tight, til I say when.

XxjadedxharlotxX: your lucky u know that
Taylor x Terror: Darlene, why am I lucky?
XxjadedxharlotxX: cause u have a good guy that loves ya
Taylor x Terror: Yeah. I knew that part already. As undeserving of him as I am, I really lucked out.

I love you Michael Berg. You're honestly amazing.

To lighten the mood, since tonight was terrible, I'm talking to Darlene a bout hygine.

Taylor x Terror: im a big hygine freak
XxjadedxharlotxX: lol
Taylor x Terror: if i smell even a little bad
Taylor x Terror: i FREAK
XxjadedxharlotxX: are you tryin to say i smell taylor lol
Taylor x Terror: no
Taylor x Terror: want me to?
Taylor x Terror: you smell.
Taylor x Terror: =]
XxjadedxharlotxX: haha do i?!?
Taylor x Terror: Everyone smells.
Taylor x Terror:
Taylor x Terror: i just smell better than everyone else
Taylor x Terror: =]
XxjadedxharlotxX: your just bein nice lol
XxjadedxharlotxX: haha

Don't even fucking ask. Worst night ever. And thank you to the fucks who created it. If I find out who you are... MY FUCKING GOD. ... fuck it.